think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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