I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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