I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had to cum in my sink.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
