dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
