i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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