have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
