remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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