So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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