God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
