my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
