She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
