Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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