Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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