"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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