Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
