I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
