Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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