So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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