I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Enjoy the penises
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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