You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
