I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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