I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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