I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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