hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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