i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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