i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
