Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
