Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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