there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
