my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
