i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
