I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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