It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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