our cab driver is having phone sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
