Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
