she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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