hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
