Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
