yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
