Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
