I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
