I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
