Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
