Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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