why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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