i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
