I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
