I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
