i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
