I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
