Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
