i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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