Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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