My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst