hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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