she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level