Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.

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  (408): i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now. http://tfl.nu/4x4e
  Replies (16) Good night (796) Bad night (5666) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...

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  (606): A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week... http://tfl.nu/yplk
  Replies (51) Good night (5085) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

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  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (13068) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.

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  (541): i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar. http://tfl.nu/crfd
  Replies (7) Good night (3191) Bad night (1854) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

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  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3140) Bad night (3903) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

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  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (6019) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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  (503): Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake. http://tfl.nu/amef
  Replies (18) Good night (5194) Bad night (1556)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

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  (+44): You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery. http://tfl.nu/036p
  Replies (7) Good night (1270) Bad night (2025)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.

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  (719): No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor. http://tfl.nu/gx10
  Replies (7) Good night (884) Bad night (6324) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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  (651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest. http://tfl.nu/l8w8
  Replies (10) Good night (1393) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.

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  (443): When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain. http://tfl.nu/mvaw
  Replies (6) Good night (2114) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay

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  (304): I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay http://tfl.nu/d341
  Replies (18) Good night (532) Bad night (1570) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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  (503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm
  Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing

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  (856): I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing http://tfl.nu/iy02
  Replies (10) Good night (1083) Bad night (857)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...

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  (269): Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still... http://tfl.nu/u0uu
  Replies (5) Good night (1051) Bad night (249)

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