Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
