you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
