really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
