I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
