you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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