Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
