i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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