Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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