He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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