is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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