she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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