I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
