I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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