Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
